Alias [PS2]

Looking at most action figures and in-game models, it's safe to assume celebrities often hate their appearance in spin-off licensing. Merchandise and 3D cinematics can turn the most gorgeous countenance into a face fit only for radio. But it's obvious Acclaim knows where its dollars come from -- much like the show, the video game Alias focuses excessively on making Jennifer Garner's character Sydney Bristow look good, and leaves everything else to suffer in her attractive wake.

Sydney is a depressingly good-looking and plucky spy working as a double agent. She's helping the CIA bring down a rogue international crew called the Alliance of 12, which, of course, wants to rule the world. Sydney's big thing, for those who haven't been paying attention, is disguise, and accordingly she dons 12 outfits over the course of the game -- two for each of the six chapters. Don't worry, playing Alias isn't like dallying with Barbie's Makeover. Mostly because Sydney could kick Barbie's ass.

More than anything else, a lot of effort has gone into making our heroine look great. The effort spent making her hips swing in that particular way could have ushered Half-Life 2 out the door by now. This is a character model that's supposed to impress, so it's a shame she runs like a man. And some of her outfits would make even strippers uncomfortable.

Syd isn't the only character to get star treatment, though. In fact, the show's entire cast makes their way into Alias with great visual representation (typically in cutscenes), and full participation from each actor to provide dialogue. Having Garner, Michael Vartan, and David Anders (among others) on hand makes up for some of the game's shortcomings, and the adventure feels more like an episode as a result. But would you want to pay $50 for an episode of any show?

It's not that Alias lacks ambition. Featuring a full panoply of stealth-action features like vision modes, context-sensitive combat, and gadgetry galore, in theory there should be plenty to do besides stare at Sydney's backside. The stealth, though, is routine and undercooked, and many of the gadgets never become more than glittery trinkets to get out of a few specified jams. As a stream of simple objectives are introduced and crossed off through a too-intrusive interface, the gameplay begins to feel more and more like an old-school adventure game (if you remember 1984, think King's Quest without the wit) and less like a modern challenge.

The combat engine is pretty simple, with two attack buttons and one block. A couple of quick one- and two-button combos will leave enemies in a pool of their own blood. Most of the time, enemies are so dumb that it doesn't really matter what approach you take, as long as it ends with a few pops to the face. In the event an open-hand slap isn't enough, makeshift weapons (and some real ones, too) can be picked up at will. But just because Sydney can leap off walls and wave her arms around, that doesn't mean the fighting is fun.

Visually, nothing in the game stands up to Sydney's caboose. Environments are hit and miss, with sparsely designed and decorated areas sitting next to rooms that actually look like they belong in this console generation. The camera is fully controllable, but still manages to get in the way. If you thought Ninja Gaiden's lens was difficult, consider yourself forewarned.

In many situations, the approach of a guard is emphasized through the use of split screens, allowing you to monitor Syd and her incoming target simultaneously. The trick creates confusion more often than not, though. The audio portion is much stronger, mostly due to the very solid voice acting. It's the only aspect of Alias in Splinter Cell's league.

Devoted followers of the show will enjoy the presence of the cast and their great performances. For those who consider the program just an excuse to show off Jennifer Garner, this won't transform foe into fan. Having gone through a handful of release delays, Alias should have been much more than a one-button action/adventure dress-up simulator. But it isn't, and you know, Barbie's Makeover doesn't sound so bad after all.