Hail to the Chimp: Toshiro vs. Bean

Gamecock's Hail to the Chimp takes America's favorite pastime (listening to the stump speeches of presidential hopefuls) and turns it into a videogame. When The Lion is dethroned, the rest of the animal kingdom goes ape over the change to be named king. The animals compete in knock-down brawls to become the new king.

It's been a long, strange journey but we've made it to the end. Here is the last set of Hail to the Chimp politicians.

Name: Toshiro

Species: Octopus

Party: Saline Solution

Toshiro is a samurai octopus who lives in the ocean off the coast of Japan. Toshiro's logic is simple: most of the world is water, and therefore ocean-based animals are the dominant life form, heretofore under-represented. He would like to see oceanic life assume its natural place at the top of the food chain, and as far as he is concerned, he can do the job better than any fish, whale or crustacean.

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Name: Bean

Species: Sloth

Party: Now Now Now

Bean stowed away on a tramp steamer filled with sacks of coffee and emerged in Seattle a changed sloth. No more hanging around trees for days at a time - now she's full of pep to an almost insufferable degree. Bean had an epiphany: animals don't need a King; they need a personal trainer, someone who can whip this Kingdom into shape. Her boundless energy and quickness with an inspirational slogan or anecdote ensure that she's a popular favorite.

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