Hail to the Chimp: Crackers vs. Ptolemy

Gamecock's Hail to the Chimp takes America's favorite pastime (listening to the stump speeches of presidential hopefuls) and turns it into a videogame. When The Lion is dethroned, the rest of the animal kingdom goes ape over the change to be named king. The animals compete in knock-down brawls to become the new king.

Over the next few weeks, we'll profile the ten contenders and let you pick who should win each contest. Be sure to check back each week for a new set of politicians.

Name: Crackers

Species: Monkey

Party: Pro Simian

Crackers was just another monkey selling bootleg T-shirts until he had the good fortune to run into the former King during an official visit to the Congo. The King was so impressed with Crackers' innate monkey business sense that he took him on as a personal assistant, spokesmonkey and adjutant. The aim of Crackers' whole campaign is to return the Lion to power and bring back the good old days when the jungle was the center of the animal universe.

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Name: Ptolemy

Species: Hippo

Party: Non Stop Party

Ptolemy sees no good reason for the 1970s to have stopped. Back then, hippos like himself were free to indulge themselves on the grasslands and dance floors alike. Why would any self-respecting clam vote for him? Because he's awesome, that's why. Ptolemy has charisma and chutzpah by the truckload, a collection of floor-shaking dance moves, and a wardrobe that's finally coming back into style.

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Now that you know the two candidates, it's time to cast your ballot. Whom would you rather see sworn in as king, Crackers or Ptolemy?

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