The Ladies of Leisure Suit Larry: May 2004

Well, you guys sure seemed to like April's girl, Sally Mae Beauregard and we're sure you'll like this month's entry just as much. She's a little more sophisticated than Sally Mae but if you dig deep, you'll find a girl who's every bit as sweet.

When you're done be sure to check out the new video on our movie page and the new wallpapers on our image page.

Vital Stats
Born: April 24, 1985
Hometown: Brick Town, New Jersey
Major: Management
Height : 5' 2''
Weight: 110 lbs
Measurements: 30-23-36
Turn-Ons: pomade, fat guys, prizefighting
Turn-Offs: the Feds, rats, Charlie Daniels
Hobbies: coin-collecting, gambling
Favorite Movie: Another Stakeout
Favorite Television Show: Meego
Favorite Song: "Silence is Golden" by the Four Seasons
Role Model: Chester A. Arthur
Favorite Food: Fettuccini a la Cazzo
Marital Status: Single

I have Analisa meet me at Mozzarella Mouse & the Fun Gang's Pizza Zone. I decide to show up an hour and a half early because I hear the Skee-Ball lanes here are real loose. After dropping fifty bucks in the lanes, I pick her up a little something at the gift counter and decide to relax in the ball pit to finish off my flask.

I see her through the netting: she's wearing a tight black dress with her hair done just so. She's got all the right curves and she's shaking 'em to and fro as she walks, driving all the ten-years-olds wild.

While I'm introducing myself, Mozzarella Mouse himself shows us to our table. (She really must be connected!)

Q: So Analisa, how's it going?

A: What the *&@!# is this place? You said we was goin' to a nice, quiet Italian restaurant.

Q: C'mon, this place is nice. They have Q*Bert. And wait 'til Mozzarella Mouse and the Fun Gang put on their show.

A:Yeah, "nice." I thought we was gonna have some high-quality Italian food here. A little Prosciutto di Parma. Maybe some Fettuccine alla Bolognese.

Q: They have pizza. You guys love pizza. And look at Mozzarella Mouse: he's got a little greasy black mustache and he plays the accordion. What could be more Italian?

A: Yer a @*&#! leccacazzi. You know that?

Q: Ooh, it's so sexy when you speak Italian. Look, I got you something...

A: What the #@&! is this?

Q: It's a Mozzarella Mouse pencil-topper. I was going to get you the Neat-O Notebook but I only had 350 tickets. Analisa Gambozinni, the lady of May.

A: Just what I need: a !@$#* pencil-topper! Why don't I stick it on the end of a pencil and cram it up yer &%!$! ass.