Command & Conquer, Now!

You could be able to go out and purchase Command & Conquer Generals by the time you read this, assuming you live on the North American continent or don't read anything on the Internet until three days after it has been published. That's right, starting on the 14th of this month, the latest and arguably best Command & Conquer game yet could be playing on your machine, if you have a job to buy it and a machine to play it, of course. Heck, North Americans with computers and money could theoretically be playing it right now. Cheers, wankers!

"Command & Conquer Generals puts players' trigger fingers on the pulse of modern warfare as they become a powerful general and control massive armies of cutting-edge military weaponry. Three unique sides will be available, each with customizable high-tech arsenals ready to deliver unprecedented firepower on land or in the skies. Players can annihilate the opposition in the 22-mission single-player campaign or dish out the damage in global multiplayer mayhem."

Since no release to come out of Electronic Arts is a real man's release until the main man, EA President and COO John Riccitiello chimes in,

"The game is stunningly beautiful."

I think he's talking about Generals.

"Command & Conquer Generals..."

Yup, he's totally talking about Generals.

"...mixes fantasy battles and adversaries with contemporary politics and geography. If you've ever enjoyed a real time strategy game, you're going to love Command & Conquer Generals."

We tend to agree. Our own Dan "I've played every goddamned RTS ever made" Adams wrote a lengthy review of Generals and even attached a solid video review to back up all that static bark with some more moving bark. I can sum up his experience of the game in two words: cool beans.

If you'd like your very own copy of Command & Conquer Generals, don't be a lazy bitch and go outside like a lazy little bitch, just buy it from some online retailer, possibly our own GameStore, if you're interested. Hey, if it has "game" in the URL it must be good and related to games, no? If it makes you feel any better, you can tell yourself that every dime you spend there translates to a cookie for Ivan, which in actuality does not happen.