Top 10 Cheesiest Classic Game Commercials

When did video game commercials get so slick? From the eerily lifelike automotive masterpieces in the recent Forza 2 campaign to those fantastic Ratchet & Clank weapon spots, contemporary game ads are witty, gorgeous, and incredibly enticing.

But long before the Playstation 3 blitzed us with edgy adverts featuring a floating black box in a stark white room, game commercials were awkward, goofy and about as cutting-edge as a butter knife. Yep -- they were awesome.

So without further ado, a word from ten of our most senile sponsors...

10. Activision Sports

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The world's first major third-party game publisher attempted to blur the line between fantasy and reality in this technical whirlwind. Is that a giant block of rotating red pixels or a professional skier? It's almost impossible to tell the difference. And shame on EA Sports for reaching into another publisher's pocket with their "it's in the game" motto. Busted!

9. Berzerk

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Gamers have historically tried to convince their stubborn elders that gaming is fun, social, and non-threatening. This genius ad takes a pretty big leap, however, by insinuating that dear old grannie would rather frag some tiny robots than knit a pretty scarf. The wholesome attempt didn't pan out in the end, as Berzerk went on to become the first game to feel the squeeze of federal prosecution when it was included in Ozzy Osbourne's infamous 1986 "Suicide Solution" lawsuit. Take that, grandma!

8. Activision's Ice Hockey

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From the "Before They Were Stars" file comes this intense Ice Hockey commercial featuring none other than SNL funnyman, Phil Hartman. His deep commitment to his overly excitable character could be considering career foreshadowing, although that might just be us projecting. At any rate, Mr. Hartman, we salute you and your aggressive overacting.

7. Atari Everything

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Did you catch it? It happens at the 15 second mark, right after the helpful salesman starts stacking up the games. Are those...remote control controllers?! In 1980-something! That's roughly twenty years before Nintendo's Wavebird Wireless became widely known as the "first" major remote control controller. What's next? Remote control phones?

6. French Tutor

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Bonjeer? No, Jimmy, not even close. But can you blame him for flunking French? The kid was clearly too busy playing through those stacks of games on his Atari 400 to waste time learning something. Besides, he eventually pulls it together just in time to wow his mysteriously French grandparents with his flawless grasp of their romantic language. We knew games were bon for you, but c'est magnifique? Oui!

5. Intellivision

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Kudos to whoever hired Renaissance man George Plimpton as the unofficial spokesman for the Intellivision; his droll affectation and snooty demeanor helped shape the belief that Mattel's rival to the great Atari 2600 was, in fact, a superior system. But then someone decided to up the celeb ante by hurling Henry Thomas into the mix, sticking him on a bike to remind everyone that he's the kid from E.T., and forcing him and George to out one another as celebs just trying to earn a few extra bucks. What's your name? Awkward!

4. Power Glove

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The Wii was merely a gleam in Nintendo's eye when they hijacked our imagination with the Power Glove. Perhaps best known as the object of Fred Savage's envy in the Nintendo promotional extravaganza "The Wizard," the Power Glove was supposed to let you control a video game by frantically gesticulating. Suffice to say, it didn't really work, although some credit the glove as the progenitor to the significantly more successful Wii. We're not quite ready to buy that, and despite the efforts of this extremely misleading commercial, we weren't ready to buy the Power Glove either.

3. Vanguard

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Who destroys the Gond? Luthor destroys the Gond. In exchange, we help Luthor pass his math tests, because apparently Luthor is mentally ill.

2. Pole Position

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Screaming voice-over! Intense heavy-metal! Extreme rainbow color effects! The hand of God, exploding cars, and a terrified family in traction! This isn't just the makings for an awesome video game commercial -- it's very nearly the MOST awesome classic game commercial ever. We're not sure if it helped sell any extra copies of Pole Position, but it would have made a great supplement to those scary Red Asphalt films we had to gag through in Driver's Ed. And double praise for the best ending line since "Rosebud."

1. Legend of Zelda: The Rap

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It's almost too embarrassing to watch. But you've come so far, so do yourself a favor (of sorts) and pry those eyelids open for the cheesiest game commercial of all time.

Where to start? Or better yet, where NOT to start? This one has it all - scrawny nerds, references to vague newsletters, random controller button-mashing, close-ups of a scrawny nerd, the worst rap of all time, yet another close-up of a nerd, all followed by the condescending narrator instructing you to enlist the aid of your parents to hook it up, despite the fact that your dad can't get the VCR working without first turning on the oven.

Confusing, poorly written and an all-around bad idea. In other words, Number One with a bullet.